Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in nadon's LiveJournal:

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
6:08 pm	adf dp I was thinking about doing a wiccan training program just because it's so accessible, but after checking it out a bit, I made a decision - it's not for me. So I'm doing the adf dedicant program. I am really interested in achieving status as 'priesthood' in my community, but feel that without some sort of appropriate training, I won't have the confidence to be a spiritual leader. I think experience, background, preparation etc. are very necessary for a teaching/guidance role. I don't know if ADF is the trad for me, probably not, but it seems to jive with my path at the moment. I don't see myself as a druid, but I do think it's important to learn from the past in order to create something meaningful in a modern context. I think it's going to be a good way to help me focus on my personal practice and concretizing a set of symbolic actions and tools to really get across where my beliefs/faith intersect with my experience. It will also help me articulate those items of faith and practice so that I will actually have an account of where I stand, rather than a general idea. It will probably be easier to find people coming from a similar spiritual place if I can articulate myself properly to others. I could also stand to be challenged on my beliefs and practices, as most people I talk to outside of utps are new-agey anything-goes eclectic spirituality folk, who use 'pagan' as a loose description of what they're doing spiritually. I think anything goes, as long as you've done your homework and can explain why it goes, and where it comes from. I think it's important to be fluid in terms of spiritual practice, but the ADF dedicant program isn't a rigid system, it leaves a lot of room for exploration and development through the learning style, and it does push toward making your own decisions based on your own research (study and practice). Which I like. We'll see how that goes. I've been trying to do the two-powers meditation on the subway on the way to and from work. it's hard to feel rooted while travelling on a speeding train. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
12:00 am	making offerings in the city The more interesting my offerings become, the more difficult it is for me to pass them along. Burning and pouring are ok, especially in small quantities, but burying things, which I like to do, seems a bit sketchy in an urban context. Is it more or less environmentally sound to return something to the earth than burning it and releasing it to the air? I think that really depends. I'm looking for a job and I have a couple of thanks offerings sitting in my room from previous occasions, and I'm really not sure, having no back yard to finalize my previous transactions, how to even approach the whole business of asking the mighty ones for help again. Last time I asked them for help, I had great results and was able to conclude appropriately. Now, I want to get these lingering things on their way so that I can feel a bit more spiritually reciprocal before approaching again. Obviously I'll have to pray and pour along with my belated gifts, as a thanks for waiting kinda deal. I mean, they've already been offered up and hopefully enjoyed, but to do it symbolically/physically also seems necessary. I do like interacting with the divine in official, semi-official and informal contexts, but I prefer to have some sense of unyielding respect in my approaches. I think tomorrow I'll try to figure out a good way to go about burying these things in a public space without making people too curious or suspicious. Current Mood: embarrassed Current Music: Shpongle - Divine Moments of Truth (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 22nd, 2008
2:07 pm	Oh, google... So I just noticed that when you google my name, this is the first result. Haha. Awesome. I've really been enjoying having a large altar set up in my room this year and having private rits at home. It's so nice to be able to take advantage of that freedom. I enjoyed the full moon eclipse on wednesday, and I had a great time at the Anthesteria rit, (omg the food! the altar!!). I've been frustrated with the lack of time I've had lately to do my pen/paper pagan scribblings, so it's no wonder I haven't been blogging much. But I have a new compy so access to the lj isn't as tenuous. But I bought some gorgeous new books for writing about my cosmology, ethical system, etc. in an attempt to formulate an internally consistent pagan spirituality for myself. I don't want to be a religious tourist forever, and I know basically what I'm about... but it would be nice to be able to explain to people how my fluffy eclecticism actually operates as a whole. I especially don't want to sound like that weird What the Bleep cult with some of my ideas, which are similar, but Not actually founded on pseudo-scientific claims. In fact, I don't have the urge to try to cram my spiritual ideas about consciousness and interconnectedness into a scientific model, when I know that they are as-yet unverifiable. blah. It gets more and more tempting for me to just join up with some coven and get training so that I can just use somebody else's internally consistent worldview, but since at this point I don't want to join to stay... this impulse makes me feel all icky and inauthentic. So I abstain. I really need to start up some interesting conversations with my spiritual friends, but usually when I see them I have this funky utps Exec title and MFC consultant-esque position which I'm currently sitting under and I'm trying to keep them unblemished... hah. Well, hopefully after I graduate there will be new execs at utps who I feel confident passing the torch to, so my wacky and absurd questions about life, the universe and everything, can be discussed at length over pints and pitchers. *giggle* Well, my work ethic is nagging at me... and to my non-surprise, I have 10 minutes to get ready for work! Toodles. Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
6:57 pm	And then I said "happy giving-birth-day, Mom!" and gave her a portrait of myself. My 22nd birthday has come and gone. I feel like I don't have so much to show for it. I've been working on putting my values to practice, and I've had some really trying experiences with hospitality. I feel like Hestia is kicking my butt for being lazy in the home, telling me not to fight fire with fire. Fine. I know good advice when I hear it. I've cleaned up/rearranged my altar space and started using it more often. My magical partner got me some beautiful altar tools for my birthday, to replace my makeshift and/or nonexistent ones. He got me a silver? chalice with two pentacles etched on opposite sides (to replace the crystal glass with the broken stem), a beautifully crafted, wooden-handled athame in a leather sheath (to replace my black handled regular kitchen knife in black silk) and a scrying mirror in a stylish wooden box with velvet inside and a pentacle on the lid. All things I wouldn't have justified purchasing for myself. I am so overjoyed to know that he still has my spiritual interests at heart. Sometimes it's hard to tell when aspects of a relationship become habitual, standardized, expected or taken for granted. I bought myself a new tarot deck for my birthday (I always get myself something nice this time of year) the Vision Quest Tarot. This is something that I would typically giggle at and overlook because of the misappropriation of native american spiritual concepts into irrelevant or eclectic practices and tools. However, I was visiting a friend a few weeks ago and she asked me to do a reading for her with her deck because she was having a lot of "I'm not telling, ask later" and "you already know" types of readings when using the deck by herself. Her deck was the Vision Quest Tarot and I found it totally coherent to read. Clear, concise, effective. I didn't even have to use the little book to do a straight-on-the-nose reading for her. It was strange, because when I'm using my own Rider-Waite deck I'm always totally confused by at least two of the cards in the layout. I was so impressed that I decided to invest in one myself. I'm very excited to start using it and my new scrying mirror. I'd never seen a scrying mirror before, to be honest, but it was the first divination tool I'd ever been interested in having. Strange how it came to me when I'd forgotten about it entirely. I've been busy organizing my divination tools lately, I've got nice boxes and bags for my various tools. I've got a rock oracle in the works, a mix of tumbled semi-precious stones and lake-smoothed pebbles from Georgian bay. I'm trying to work out a system for making connections between a selection of stones, to make a random pattern into a coherent reading. I've always had rock collections since I was old enough to dig in the dirt and fill my pockets with driveway gravel, so this is a neat project for me. I've also been continuing to work on developing a coherent basic ritual format that includes all of the things that are spiritually important to me. I'm looking forward to the UTPS event about writing your own ritual, and the one about personal practice... I'm sure it will help to discuss with other people. I've been working on a workshop for UTPS called Introduction to Pagan Ritual, in which we will discuss the various aspects of ritual. This will include the simplest aspects, such as identifying and using tools, spoken words, gestures for addressing each other or unseen forces, libation and sacrifices, movement into, out of and within sacred space, articles of clothing and jewelry, etc. All to make it less painful or scary for people to join in and participate - confidently - in open circles. I think for my whole first year at UTPS I had very little idea what was going on, because what I'd read and what I was seeing seemed vastly different. I'm getting excited about my future again, since this is my final year in undergrad. I can't decide what I want to do, but I'm narrowing my possibilities. I want to get a co-op going this year so that I can get my foot in the door... basically anywhere. I'm thinking I might try to get a position with SEEDS, who I met on a magical tree walk with UTPS in Mount Pleasant (or maybe a leadership work-study with U of T). I'm really looking forward to WWOOFing in the next couple of years, (that is, finding a volunteer placement through Willing Workers on Organic Farms) and getting the experience I need to start up or join a permanent farm community. As I talk to more people about my plans, I find that I am making more important connections, and I feel that as long as I keep taking small steps, the pieces will fall into place for me and opportunities will present themselves. Learning about Daoism in 'Chinese Philosophies' class, and about sympathetic magic in my 'Witchcraft and Magic' and 'Magic and Miracle' classes has really helped me remember to value the synchronicity in my life. The more I do, the more I can do. I am the Moirae weaving and cutting. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
12:32 am	thanks for the LJ-nudge, Mike :P So I stopped writing in here because I got myself a program called wikidPad and have been keeping my personal/spiritual information in a wiki on my hard drive.But then I got a nudge, which I didn't even know existed. So here's what I've been up to for the last couple weeks. I'd be writing forever if I started where I left off last October. I recently swore an oath to better myself. ( Snip from Deadjournal entry, May 9, 2007 ) I find that I'm full of complaints sometimes and lull myself into a cynical slothful daze by talking about everything that bothers me and doing nothing to make the situation better. So lately I've taken initiative to go out and have fun by doing good things. I planted some morning glory seeds with Ian in Trinity Bellwoods park, visited the little zoo at High Park and picked up garbage there with Ian and his mom, I've been riding my bike around instead of taking transit, not taking people's generosity for granted even though I'm broke, volunteering with globalaware, helping out Ian's mom with housework, trying to smile at grumpy looking strangers I pass on the street, going out with people when they ask, instead of making lame excuses, inviting my friends out to do things when I'm bored instead of discussing boredom over MSN, and just generally trying to be more observant because it's easier to change things if you notice them quickly. I found a baby bird on a park trail in Bellevue Square park the other day on my way to phototherapy. It was breathing but too young even to fly. I guess it was a pigeon hatchling or something. Another man sitting in the park was curious, and he took it for me since I was in a hurry. Not really sure what happened to it, but at least it didn't get stepped on or run over on the path. In other news, I have a final test in "Evil and Suffering" on Solstice... normally I wouldn't mind, but this year I'm planning on going to OM festival AND getting handfasted on that day to Ian (as magical working partners rather than official spouses). I asked the prof. if I could do it early, but I have to e-mail her to find out. I think this class is going to be super awesome, so I don't want to drop it. But I will if it's going to interfere with my plans... even though Anton LeVey is on the course reading list. Hahaha. Never thought I'd see THAT at UofT. ( I've been having crazy nightmares lately ) I guess thats what I get for squee-geeing my third eye. *Shrug* In (more) other news, despite my distinct lack of awesome feast and offering food, the UTPS Beltaine ritual, and the fact that I fudged saying "let there be no peace between us" to the southern watchtower... There have been positive magical results for at least two of the participants. Now that the weather is nice, I should get the Pagan Society out for that Magical Tree Walk again. I hope some of the trees are still flowering. I should take out a tree-identification book or two from Gerstein and beef up my 'lecture' material. I also need to work on creating "pagan ritual for dummies" because that one should be a fun intro event for next term. 3rd year of exec, here I come. lol. Current Mood: calm Current Music: kids playing outside (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
1:50 pm	Urban Paganism Workshop went well. Yay! My urban paganism workshop was pretty decent. Despite the fact that my floppy disk decided to deny me access to my carefully thought out workshop ideas, and all i had was a barely-updated version of last year's directory, and some scribbly notes from the web... I talked for about an hour, and got some valuable group participation in. -sigh of relief- If anyone is interested in the little 'urban paganism directory', I can modify it for non-UofT consumption and send it your way, just leave a comment. -J (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 7th, 2006
10:51 pm	Modern Mysticism I found this article on Modern Mysticism that answers a lot of questions I've been having recently. I thought I might share it in case someone else has some of the same problems. It doesn't solve anything for me, but at least I don't feel like a total whacko when I think we should have a place for mystics in our communities, both to seek them out and to support them. Not that I think we should let crazy people wander around, but I think science and urbanization have really done a number on the place for outsiders in communities. I found it here: Are You On Fire? Mysticism in Modern Times (  view it here, if the link doesn't work. ) Current Mood: embarrassed Current Music: Rabbit In The Moon - Out of Body Experience (OBE) (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
6:13 am	A Calling... prepare your eyes for bulging. Typically, when I hear "Knock knock..." I automatically respond with "Who's there?" but this time I'm actually afraid to answer. I don't think I'm ready to know who it is and why they're there. ( Dear non-freaky pagan folks, please don't judge me too harshly. ) On the more stable side of things, my dilemma brings up a good question for me to consider in my own polytheology: "Are there bad gods?" The short answer is "Yes, but..." The long answer is something I'll have to think about for a while. Current Music: Faith and the Muse - All Lovers Lost (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
5:29 pm	TPC [re-posted from deadjournal] Lisa and I went to the Toronto Pagan Conference, it was fantastic. I learned SO much (mostly stuff they didn't explicitly teach) and a lot of things became more clear to me. I don't feel as bad about my place on my path, nor about my place with respect to the others in the community who I respect. My second year in University has really helped me put my life in context, and this sealed the deal. I have so much to think about now, that I can't even be online.The internet kills my thought processes. Wow, it was so enriching and fulfiling... and we didn't do any fluffy shit like generic-ritual, I love pagan academics!! Theology and religious studies diaogue are amazing!!! >. (2 Comments |Comment on this)