pagan journal

adf dp

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:21:31 GMT

I was thinking about doing a wiccan training program just because it's so accessible, but after checking it out a bit, I made a decision - it's not for me.

So I'm doing the adf dedicant program. I am really interested in achieving status as 'priesthood' in my community, but feel that without some sort of appropriate training, I won't have the confidence to be a spiritual leader. I think experience, background, preparation etc. are very necessary for a teaching/guidance role. I don't know if ADF is the trad for me, probably not, but it seems to jive with my path at the moment. I don't see myself as a druid, but I do think it's important to learn from the past in order to create something meaningful in a modern context. I think it's going to be a good way to help me focus on my personal practice and concretizing a set of symbolic actions and tools to really get across where my beliefs/faith intersect with my experience. It will also help me articulate those items of faith and practice so that I will actually have an account of where I stand, rather than a general idea. It will probably be easier to find people coming from a similar spiritual place if I can articulate myself properly to others. I could also stand to be challenged on my beliefs and practices, as most people I talk to outside of utps are new-agey anything-goes eclectic spirituality folk, who use 'pagan' as a loose description of what they're doing spiritually. I think anything goes, as long as you've done your homework and can explain why it goes, and where it comes from. I think it's important to be fluid in terms of spiritual practice, but the ADF dedicant program isn't a rigid system, it leaves a lot of room for exploration and development through the learning style, and it does push toward making your own decisions based on your own research (study and practice). Which I like.

We'll see how that goes. I've been trying to do the two-powers meditation on the subway on the way to and from work. it's hard to feel rooted while travelling on a speeding train.

making offerings in the city

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:15:17 GMT

The more interesting my offerings become, the more difficult it is for me to pass them along. Burning and pouring are ok, especially in small quantities, but burying things, which I like to do, seems a bit sketchy in an urban context. Is it more or less environmentally sound to return something to the earth than burning it and releasing it to the air? I think that really depends.
I'm looking for a job and I have a couple of thanks offerings sitting in my room from previous occasions, and I'm really not sure, having no back yard to finalize my previous transactions, how to even approach the whole business of asking the mighty ones for help again. Last time I asked them for help, I had great results and was able to conclude appropriately. Now, I want to get these lingering things on their way so that I can feel a bit more spiritually reciprocal before approaching again. Obviously I'll have to pray and pour along with my belated gifts, as a thanks for waiting kinda deal. I mean, they've already been offered up and hopefully enjoyed, but to do it symbolically/physically also seems necessary.

I do like interacting with the divine in official, semi-official and informal contexts, but I prefer to have some sense of unyielding respect in my approaches. I think tomorrow I'll try to figure out a good way to go about burying these things in a public space without making people too curious or suspicious.

Oh, google...

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:24:50 GMT

So I just noticed that when you google my name, this is the first result. Haha. Awesome.

I've really been enjoying having a large altar set up in my room this year and having private rits at home. It's so nice to be able to take advantage of that freedom.

I enjoyed the full moon eclipse on wednesday, and I had a great time at the Anthesteria rit, (omg the food! the altar!!).

I've been frustrated with the lack of time I've had lately to do my pen/paper pagan scribblings, so it's no wonder I haven't been blogging much. But I have a new compy so access to the lj isn't as tenuous. But I bought some gorgeous new books for writing about my cosmology, ethical system, etc. in an attempt to formulate an internally consistent pagan spirituality for myself. I don't want to be a religious tourist forever, and I know basically what I'm about... but it would be nice to be able to explain to people how my fluffy eclecticism actually operates as a whole. I especially don't want to sound like that weird What the Bleep cult with some of my ideas, which are similar, but Not actually founded on pseudo-scientific claims. In fact, I don't have the urge to try to cram my spiritual ideas about consciousness and interconnectedness into a scientific model, when I know that they are as-yet unverifiable. blah.

It gets more and more tempting for me to just join up with some coven and get training so that I can just use somebody else's internally consistent worldview, but since at this point I don't want to join to stay... this impulse makes me feel all icky and inauthentic. So I abstain.

I really need to start up some interesting conversations with my spiritual friends, but usually when I see them I have this funky utps Exec title and MFC consultant-esque position which I'm currently sitting under and I'm trying to keep them unblemished... hah. Well, hopefully after I graduate there will be new execs at utps who I feel confident passing the torch to, so my wacky and absurd questions about life, the universe and everything, can be discussed at length over pints and pitchers.

*giggle*

Well, my work ethic is nagging at me... and to my non-surprise, I have 10 minutes to get ready for work! Toodles.

And then I said "happy giving-birth-day, Mom!" and gave her a portrait of myself.

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 23:15:30 GMT

My 22nd birthday has come and gone. I feel like I don't have so much to show for it. I've been working on putting my values to practice, and I've had some really trying experiences with hospitality. I feel like Hestia is kicking my butt for being lazy in the home, telling me not to fight fire with fire. Fine. I know good advice when I hear it.

I've cleaned up/rearranged my altar space and started using it more often. My magical partner got me some beautiful altar tools for my birthday, to replace my makeshift and/or nonexistent ones. He got me a silver? chalice with two pentacles etched on opposite sides (to replace the crystal glass with the broken stem), a beautifully crafted, wooden-handled athame in a leather sheath (to replace my black handled regular kitchen knife in black silk) and a scrying mirror in a stylish wooden box with velvet inside and a pentacle on the lid. All things I wouldn't have justified purchasing for myself. I am so overjoyed to know that he still has my spiritual interests at heart. Sometimes it's hard to tell when aspects of a relationship become habitual, standardized, expected or taken for granted.

I bought myself a new tarot deck for my birthday (I always get myself something nice this time of year) the Vision Quest Tarot. This is something that I would typically giggle at and overlook because of the misappropriation of native american spiritual concepts into irrelevant or eclectic practices and tools. However, I was visiting a friend a few weeks ago and she asked me to do a reading for her with her deck because she was having a lot of "I'm not telling, ask later" and "you already know" types of readings when using the deck by herself. Her deck was the Vision Quest Tarot and I found it totally coherent to read. Clear, concise, effective. I didn't even have to use the little book to do a straight-on-the-nose reading for her. It was strange, because when I'm using my own Rider-Waite deck I'm always totally confused by at least two of the cards in the layout. I was so impressed that I decided to invest in one myself. I'm very excited to start using it and my new scrying mirror. I'd never seen a scrying mirror before, to be honest, but it was the first divination tool I'd ever been interested in having. Strange how it came to me when I'd forgotten about it entirely.

I've been busy organizing my divination tools lately, I've got nice boxes and bags for my various tools. I've got a rock oracle in the works, a mix of tumbled semi-precious stones and lake-smoothed pebbles from Georgian bay. I'm trying to work out a system for making connections between a selection of stones, to make a random pattern into a coherent reading. I've always had rock collections since I was old enough to dig in the dirt and fill my pockets with driveway gravel, so this is a neat project for me. I've also been continuing to work on developing a coherent basic ritual format that includes all of the things that are spiritually important to me. I'm looking forward to the UTPS event about writing your own ritual, and the one about personal practice... I'm sure it will help to discuss with other people.

I've been working on a workshop for UTPS called Introduction to Pagan Ritual, in which we will discuss the various aspects of ritual. This will include the simplest aspects, such as identifying and using tools, spoken words, gestures for addressing each other or unseen forces, libation and sacrifices, movement into, out of and within sacred space, articles of clothing and jewelry, etc. All to make it less painful or scary for people to join in and participate - confidently - in open circles. I think for my whole first year at UTPS I had very little idea what was going on, because what I'd read and what I was seeing seemed vastly different.

I'm getting excited about my future again, since this is my final year in undergrad. I can't decide what I want to do, but I'm narrowing my possibilities. I want to get a co-op going this year so that I can get my foot in the door... basically anywhere. I'm thinking I might try to get a position with SEEDS, who I met on a magical tree walk with UTPS in Mount Pleasant (or maybe a leadership work-study with U of T). I'm really looking forward to WWOOFing in the next couple of years, (that is, finding a volunteer placement through Willing Workers on Organic Farms) and getting the experience I need to start up or join a permanent farm community. As I talk to more people about my plans, I find that I am making more important connections, and I feel that as long as I keep taking small steps, the pieces will fall into place for me and opportunities will present themselves. Learning about Daoism in 'Chinese Philosophies' class, and about sympathetic magic in my 'Witchcraft and Magic' and 'Magic and Miracle' classes has really helped me remember to value the synchronicity in my life. The more I do, the more I can do.

I am the Moirae weaving and cutting.

thanks for the LJ-nudge, Mike :P

Wed, 16 May 2007 18:19:33 GMT

So I stopped writing in here because I got myself a program called wikidPad and have been keeping my personal/spiritual information in a wiki on my hard drive.But then I got a nudge, which I didn't even know existed. So here's what I've been up to for the last couple weeks. I'd be writing forever if I started where I left off last October.

I recently swore an oath to better myself.

This is an oath. If I don't keep it, may I live to see the last acre of vegetation paved and built upon and the last drop of fresh water dry up.

No more waiting for things to get better, no more decadent masochism, no more getting philosophical about the problems that overwhelm me, no more bitching, no more worrying until I've actually done something about it.

Next time you have a drink, raise your glass to me on this one. Cheers.

I find that I'm full of complaints sometimes and lull myself into a cynical slothful daze by talking about everything that bothers me and doing nothing to make the situation better. So lately I've taken initiative to go out and have fun by doing good things. I planted some morning glory seeds with Ian in Trinity Bellwoods park, visited the little zoo at High Park and picked up garbage there with Ian and his mom, I've been riding my bike around instead of taking transit, not taking people's generosity for granted even though I'm broke, volunteering with globalaware, helping out Ian's mom with housework, trying to smile at grumpy looking strangers I pass on the street, going out with people when they ask, instead of making lame excuses, inviting my friends out to do things when I'm bored instead of discussing boredom over MSN, and just generally trying to be more observant because it's easier to change things if you notice them quickly. I found a baby bird on a park trail in Bellevue Square park the other day on my way to phototherapy. It was breathing but too young even to fly. I guess it was a pigeon hatchling or something. Another man sitting in the park was curious, and he took it for me since I was in a hurry. Not really sure what happened to it, but at least it didn't get stepped on or run over on the path.

In other news, I have a final test in "Evil and Suffering" on Solstice... normally I wouldn't mind, but this year I'm planning on going to OM festival AND getting handfasted on that day to Ian (as magical working partners rather than official spouses). I asked the prof. if I could do it early, but I have to e-mail her to find out. I think this class is going to be super awesome, so I don't want to drop it. But I will if it's going to interfere with my plans... even though Anton LeVey is on the course reading list. Hahaha. Never thought I'd see THAT at UofT.

...and even my other dreams are carrying over into the waking world a bit. It's throwing me off. The other morning I was certain that Ian was talking to me as I was trying to squeeze in a last bit of sleep, and it turns out he had been downstairs for an hour, even though I could feel him breathing on me as he spoke in my 'twilight' consciousness. Then again yesterday morning during a heavy storm, I got up at 5:30 to use the bathroom, and I was sure that I could hear him typing on his laptop, and saw him hunched over the side of the bed as though he was awake and using the computer. But then I sat up to go downstairs, and as I pushed myself up I noticed that he was totally passed out, right next to me, and not even near the side of the bed. I usually like when my mind plays tricks on me, but it gets distracting sometimes. I was passing through Syd Smith to get my bike, which was out back (I was out front) and as I approached the front door, I saw a reflection of a taller guy behind me coming through, so without looking behind me, I held the door a bit as I entered. The same with the second door to the lobby. Then I got a bit suspicious when he was still being reflected in the third door on my way out of the lobby toward the exit, so I turned around before I got to the last door and there was nobody there. Unsettling.
When I was 17 or 18 one of my good friends used to talk about having a 'shadow' that followed him everywhere, and it even had a name and personality. I hope I don't have an extradimensional being following me around. That could be helpful if it's benevolent, but even if it's neutral it sure is disconserting. I guess thats what I get for squee-geeing my third eye. *Shrug*

In (more) other news, despite my distinct lack of awesome feast and offering food, the UTPS Beltaine ritual, and the fact that I fudged saying "let there be no peace between us" to the southern watchtower... There have been positive magical results for at least two of the participants. Now that the weather is nice, I should get the Pagan Society out for that Magical Tree Walk again. I hope some of the trees are still flowering. I should take out a tree-identification book or two from Gerstein and beef up my 'lecture' material. I also need to work on creating "pagan ritual for dummies" because that one should be a fun intro event for next term. 3rd year of exec, here I come. lol.

Urban Paganism Workshop went well.

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:51:50 GMT

Yay! My urban paganism workshop was pretty decent. Despite the fact that my floppy disk decided to deny me access to my carefully thought out workshop ideas, and all i had was a barely-updated version of last year's directory, and some scribbly notes from the web... I talked for about an hour, and got some valuable group participation in. -sigh of relief-

If anyone is interested in the little 'urban paganism directory', I can modify it for non-UofT consumption and send it your way, just leave a comment.

-J

Modern Mysticism

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 03:11:40 GMT

I found this article on Modern Mysticism that answers a lot of questions I've been having recently.
I thought I might share it in case someone else has some of the same problems.

It doesn't solve anything for me, but at least I don't feel like a total whacko when I think we should have a place for mystics in our communities, both to seek them out and to support them. Not that I think we should let crazy people wander around, but I think science and urbanization have really done a number on the place for outsiders in communities.

I found it here: Are You On Fire? Mysticism in Modern Times

Are You On Fire?
Mysticism in Modern Times
by Rev. Alesia Matson, D.D.
Copyright 2004, All Rights Reserved

According to a poll published in December 1999 by USA Today, 30% of
Americans say they consider themselves "spiritual but not
religious." Forty-five percent say they rely on their own views, not
religious teachings, to decide how to conduct their lives. Though
religious hierarchies express concern that such beliefs "endanger
immortal souls," these Americans are exemplary of the movement of
spiritual and religious consciousness into the secular
mainstream. Spearheading all such movements are Mystics, those for
whom the idea of God is not enough, for whom the Reality
of God is everything.

In its simplest sense, mysticism is a quest, the ultimate goal of
which is complete submersion in the Absolute Mystery; direct communion
with All That Is, the Divine Source -- God, by any and all other
names. Mystics are those who pursue the Unitive Experience the way a
man whose hair is on fire pursues a bucket of water (the very
definition of single-pointed meditation!).

Mystics come from every religious tradition, without
exception. Where is found a Path to Heaven, Enlightenment, Nirvana,
Mastery, there also the mystics have already gone, blazing the trail
ahead of mainstream consciousness. Even more intriguing, mystics occur
outside of religion altogether -- poets, athletes, artists, warriors,
musicians and scientists have their share of mystics, as do other
pursuits which require similar levels of discipline, endurance and
focus.

In an era where personal development is chic, and self-help gurus
abound, it can be difficult to find a true mystic's signal amidst the
noise generated across the band. Mystics seldom wear signs or labels
declaring themselves as such; many don't even recognize themselves as
mystics. As with their forebears, modern mystics tend to guard the
details of their relationship with God quite closely, as the private
and intimate dynamic it is, rather than risk judgement and exile.

In the Middle Ages and Renaissance, cloistered mystics could close
themselves away from the world and its temptations. They were
supported by religious organizations, cared for by the other
monastics, and supported through the physical, psychological and
emotional traumas that occur in some stages of the Mystic Way. Their
journeys toward the Absolute were solitary, private quests, conducted
in environments where they were rarely understood, often feared. They
brought back from their direct communions with Deity messages that
were poorly received politically; messages that often put them at
personal risk within the very organizations meant to sustain and
support them.

Today, the symptomology and stresses of the mystic way -- voices,
visions, inexplicable actions, automatic writing -- have been and
still are confused with mental pyschosis rather than taken as signs of
a soul enrapt in its communion with the Divine. Despite this, modern
mystics survive and even thrive under the radically different demands
of today's society. "Mysticism has gone mainstream," says
noted author and medical intuitive, Dr. Carolyn Myss, in the audiobook
version of her best-selling work, Anatomy of the Spirit.
Mysticism has emerged from silence, mystery, and solitude to make
inroads into the collective consciousness as an eclectic path to
enlightenment.

What differentiates that path from so many others available to seekers
today? How does one identify a mystic? What does that journey look
like? Mystics through the ages have left behind their writings, poetic
and detailed, describing the incredible heights and despairing depths
of the Way. From that body of collected literature, their descendants
have pieced together a composite portrait, or map, which serves as a
useful guide to anyone who suspects they may have strayed onto that
Path.

Active and Practical

First, the disciplines (and they are disciplines, make no mistake)
involved in mysticism are active, and practical. The Mystic Way to
union with the Divine is a thing that pervades one's entire life. It
is a driving force, a seductive desire; once one has tasted the sweet
breath of the Beloved, nothing is ever the same again.

Mysticism is a whole-life process for cloistered and uncloistered
mystics. Everything in their lives is rewritten under the higher and
more intense energies needed to co-exist with Divine
consciousness. Modern mystics juggle their fervent desire for
enlightenment right along with careers, families, children,
relationships, mortgages, traffic jams, and chest colds. A mystic
quite practically uses that list of distractions and others
like them in an active, systematic way. They serve as
reminders, challenges, and lessons on the path to higher
consciousness. Mysticism is not a thing about which they hold an
opinion. It is a holistic lifestyle, a way of approaching every
thought, every choice, every action.

As their insides straighten out, their outsides straighten out: the
interior work of mystics translates itself directly into "work in the
world." Teresa of Avila founded a new Carmelite order despite the
severe opposition of her superiors -- and this during the Inquisition!
Catherine of Genoa started a hospital for the sick and destitute,
driving herself to collapse and exhaustion in her zeal for the work
which was (and still is) never quite done. A more modern example is
Mata Amritanandamayi, more widely known as Ammachi and one of India's
greatest contemporary saints. Her public teachings take place in
traditional gatherings where she hugs and blesses all who come to see
her. All. Almost a quarter million people seek her out every
year, and she receives each and every one of them in compassion and
love. She turns no one away, for to the Divine Mother consciousness
which she embodies, all are equal in their need for love.

It doesn't get much more active or practical than that.

Transcendant and Spiritual

That said, the second characteristic of mysticism is its transcendent,
spiritual nature. The ultimate goal of a mystic has nothing to do with
adding, subtracting, rearranging, or improving anything in the
physical world. Though she uses her life in the world to teach or
remind herself what it is to be fully conscious of Divine Reality, she
remains aware that her aims transcend her life and existence. She
cannot neglect her duty to the illusory "many," but her heart and
mind remain ever fixed upon the changeless and ever-changing One.

This characteristic distinguishes mysticism from the occult. A mystic
knows the Divine by communion, a direct intuition of the Absolute. He
"has God," and needs nothing more. Though a mystic will expend his
personal energies profligately on behalf of his fellow men, he neither
needs nor craves "power" in the sense the world has defined it. His
ends are for the simple and profound state of being with the
Divine.

Rabia, the female eighth century Muslim mystic, wrote: " Whatever
share of this world Thou dost bestow on me, bestow it on Thine enemies, and
whatever share of the next world Thou dost give me, give it to Thy
friends. Thou art enough for me!"

Love

The third characteristic of mysticism is also perhaps the most
distinctive: The driving power of mysticism is Love. It is the true
business of the mystic; it is the means and the end, the method and
the manner which illuminates him and his activities. This is Love in
the truest, fullest sense of that word. As Evelyn Underhill
(1875-1941) described it in her treatise "Mysticism,"
such Love is "the ultimate expression of the self's most vital
tendencies, not as the superficial affection or emotion often
dignified by this name. Mystic Love is a total dedication of the will;
the deep-seated desire and tendency of the soul towards its
Source."

The business of mysticism is all about Love, not power, glory,
respect, riches, admiration, mundane relationships, or material
possessions. Though the mystic may well experience any or all of those
things, they are ancillary to the mystic experience. They are not
at root cause.

The poet and Sufi mystic Jalaluddin Rumi (1207-1273) wrote at length
about such Love. Due to space considerations the poetry quoted here is
foreshortened:

Whatever I say in exposition and explanation of love,
When I come to love I am ashamed of that explanation.
The speech of the tongue may elucidate,
But speechless love is yet more clear.
[...]
It is love alone that can give proper expression to love[....]

Poetry is lovely, but it should be emphasized that this is no mere
literary exercise; at the least it must be seen as a mirror which
reflects souls caught up in their passion for God, in their Love of
the Divine. Our mortal, spoken languages are not up to the demands
such inspired devotion place upon them, requiring mystics to use florid
metaphors to convey their experience of the Beloved. Larger than life
in this world of death and taxes, it is simply impossible for any true
mystic's love to do any less than consume them.

Better Living Through Mysticism

Evelyn Underhill once more provides a clear, succinct analysis of this
last distinguishable trait of the Mystic Way: "The end and object of
this `inward alchemy' will be the raising of the whole self to the
condition in which conscious and permanent union with the Absolute
takes place; and man, ascending to the summit of his manhood, enters
into that greater life for which he was made."

A mystic has beheld the Divine, and strives ever-after to be worthy of
communion with It. All negative moral judgements, all self-serving
acts, all self-deceptions, all lies, all facades, all vanity, pride,
egotism, greed, and doubt, to name but a few, must be cast off the
personality in the same way a liberated prisoner casts off his
chains. These are heroic acts which never make the headlines, and yet
are the necessary and eloquent product of the mystical
journey. Wishing does not make it so; there are no short-cuts. It is,
truly and literally, a labor of Love.

Into Whose Hands...?

In conclusion, mysticism in its truest sense is not self-seeking. It
is a "self-noughting," as Julian of Norwich once wrote. Those who
enter into the quest for mere self-satisfaction, the ecstasy of Divine
Union, supernatural powers, or an end to suffering are, according to
St.John of the Cross, "spiritual gluttons," though we may identify
them now as "occultists." The mystic enters the journey because she
finds that she must, and that there is no arguing with that quiet,
insistent call of the soul. She discovers that she seeks without
certainty of success, and that the passion of such seeking defines the
rest of her life.

O soul, before the world was
I longed for thee:
and I still long for thee, and thou for me.

Therefore, when our two desires unite,
Love shall be fulfilled.

-- Mechtild of Magdeburg

------------------------

Rev. Dr. Alesia Matson writes and teaches extensively on meditation,
contemplation, prayer, and modern mysticism. Her new book, "7
Mysteries: Contemplative Arts for the Modern Mystic" can be purchased
at http://www.metaphorsforlife.com/7-M.php. You can learn more about
modern mysticism and receive free excerpts from the book by sending
an email to ca@vetl.org.

A Calling... prepare your eyes for bulging.

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 10:14:39 GMT

Typically, when I hear "Knock knock..." I automatically respond with "Who's there?" but this time I'm actually afraid to answer. I don't think I'm ready to know who it is and why they're there.

So, as ridiculous as this sounds, I have a calling. It's one that doesn't mesh with any normal, western, north american, 21st century lifestyle I've ever heard of. I laughed my ass off at the guy at Delphi in I Still Worship Zeus, but now I totally have a bit of an appreciation for the commitment he made. I don't think I could dedicate myself to that, and yet... I'm feeling a really strong pull toward it.

Somebody up there wants me to be a messenger... (think prophet, mystic, visionary, seer, oracle, etc) but dude, I can't even read the tarot without a little guidebook. Forget living in a cave and speaking in riddles!
I don't do magic, I have no knowledge of occult theory, so forget changing people's lives, or attempting spirit posession.
I don't do hallucinogenic drugs, so forget vision questing,
I've never spent a significantly large amount of time trying to learn about any of the gods from any of the pantheons I've intellectually flirted with, so definately forget invoking divinity into myself. (I remember what happened to the women Zeus "revealed" himself to. Yikes.... no thank you.)

But on the level of actual life... I don't think that as a person in my context, (society, history, ancestry, tradition, culture, what have you) I'm able to open the door that's waiting in front of me. How can I give up a university education to sit in the park with dilated pupils all night waiting to ramble incoherently for a dollar? People don't value that, they'll toss me in an institution or a home if I don't starve to death first.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. It's rude to ignore a ringing doorbell, isn't it? Can you tell a divine being to come back later? Will I lose the opportunity? I don't know why I'm even considering this, it's so bizarre.
I'm an academic-oriented pagan, I like the folk traditions, I'm about learning the myths and the cultural history, I think the reconstructionist movements are the coolest things going in paganism, I'm not into the occult at all.
I'm a philosophy student, I'm being trained in logic and reason... so what gives?

Seriously though, I think I should discuss this, or I wouldn't be confessing it to the world. I need somebody to talk some sense into me. I know I'm a little weird, but I definately shouldn't feel guilty about being practical and staying sane... I mean it could be feasible if I was 80 and financially independant, but right now, having an unrealistic, irrational urge like this really worries me.

On the more stable side of things, my dilemma brings up a good question for me to consider in my own polytheology:
"Are there bad gods?"
The short answer is "Yes, but..."
The long answer is something I'll have to think about for a while.

TPC

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 00:27:52 GMT

[re-posted from deadjournal]

Lisa and I went to the Toronto Pagan Conference, it was fantastic. I learned SO much (mostly stuff they didn't explicitly teach) and a lot of things became more clear to me. I don't feel as bad about my place on my path, nor about my place with respect to the others in the community who I respect. My second year in University has really helped me put my life in context, and this sealed the deal.
I have so much to think about now, that I can't even be online.The internet kills my thought processes.
Wow, it was so enriching and fulfiling... and we didn't do any fluffy shit like generic-ritual,

I love pagan academics!! Theology and religious studies diaogue are amazing!!! >.